I sat down today to write an entry about some things in my life that are going really well, that I'm happy about, some home improvement stuff, baking sucesses, excitement about things in general...and then I got a call from my doctor and now everything is fucked up again.

My bloodwork from yesterday is shitty. The HCG has doubled from two days ago and that's great, but my progesterone has taken a nosedive from 14.1 to 8.2 in five days. At 5 weeks, which I was yesterday, it should be from 9-47 but ideally around 20. The doctor was quick to point out that he has had women with levels as low as mine go on to have healthy pregnancies and he put me on progesterone supplements, but at the same time, research shows that most of the time, the pills have no effect on whether or not you will miscarry, since dropping progesterone is caused by some underlying defect. Low progesterone doesn't usually cause miscarriage in itself.

I am heartbroken because I think now that my baby is going to die and I am just totally sick of my shitty life, in which nothing ever, ever goes right. It's just always bad news upon bad news. I can't believe this is my life. I hate it. Oh, oh, my heart hurts over this. I wish I could have some hope that things will be OK but I really can't right now.

Sorry I'm always such a drain and never have any good news to report. Trust me, guys, I hate it, too.